Welcome back to the grand finale of Race to Git Gud, the series where I plow through Dark Souls with the grace of a slightly-above-average gamer and the persistence of a raccoon breaking into your garbage. Today, Meep Geese wraps up a side story in a “peaceful” land, reunites with an old nemesis named Gravity, and closes out the journey with one of gaming’s most iconic final battles.

Picture-Perfect Pain

Meep wakes up inside the Painted World of Ariamis, a snowy, serene pocket dimension filled with the kind of residents you’d cross the street to avoid. The first enemies are hollows, but not the standard kind—these ones hit harder and, when killed, can release a purple toxic cloud. Toxic status is like poison’s mean older brother, the one who drives a motorcycle and gets you in trouble.

Naturally, I get toxiced immediately. No problem—until I realize I’m fresh out of blooming purple moss clumps. Time’s ticking, so I floor it. Hollows, harpies, bonewheel skeletons—everything gets cut down on the sprint. Even the zombie dragon guarding loot takes a beating (and leaves behind a disturbingly intact backside). I vaguely remember there’s a skip to bypass most of this area, but the details have long since vanished from my brain.

Familiar Faces

After unlocking the backdoors to the central area, I race back to the bonfire, detoxed and ready to go again. Phalanx enemies stand in my way—old farming buddies from my early Dark Souls days. It’s a nostalgic slaughter.

A quick drop into the well leads to illusory walls, narrow tunnels, and the inevitable bonewheel party. One lever pull later and I’m dancing through enemies like a ballerina on a caffeine bender. Past a knight, through a fog wall, and it’s time to meet Crossbreed Priscilla.

Priscilla politely asks why I’ve wandered into her world. I politely answer with the Black Knight Halberd. Tail cut, soul claimed, and one dramatic swan dive off the tower later, I’m back in Anor Londo, admiring just how quickly that area fell.

The Lava Gauntlet

From here, it’s time for the one fight I’ve been dreading: Bed of Chaos. But first, the scenic route—Blighttown to Queelag’s Domain to the lava-soaked hellscape of Lost Izalith. At this point, Capra Demons go down in two hits and Taurus Demons in three. I’m feeling unstoppable… until I remember what’s coming.

On the way, I run into the Centipede Demon, one of the most forgettable bosses in the game. He looks like a rejected Power Rangers villain. I lop off his arm for an easy kill and snag the Orange Charred Ring, which lets me sprint through lava like a man who forgot his sandals on the beach.

Bed of Chaos: Four Deaths and a Quit-Out

The Bed of Chaos is infamous for good reason. Far-off bonfire? Check. Instant-death floor collapses? Check. Random swipes that fling you into the void? Double check. My first four attempts go like this:

1. Left hook into pit.
   
2. Right hook into pit.
   
3. Left hook into pit.
   
4. Pushed gently, yet fatally, into pit despite full armor.
   

Enough is enough. I pull out the Cleansing Greatshield, stack poise gear, and—most importantly—use the gamer’s secret weapon: the quit-out trick. Smash the other orb, exit the game, reload, and boom—the fight’s in its final phase. I drop through the floor onto the branch, ninja-flip under the boss, and give the parasite core one last satisfying smack.

The Final March

With the last Lord Soul claimed, I return to Firelink Shrine and feed myself to Kingseeker Frampt (don’t think about it too much). The Lordvessal then opens the way to the final zone: The Kiln of the First Flame.

The Black Knights here are tough but fall quickly, their loot a reminder of the game’s earliest challenges. Soon, I’m standing before the final fog gate. Inside waits Gwyn, Lord of Cinder—once the mighty god-king of the Age of Fire, now a hollowed shell.

Plin Plin Plon

The moment I step through, the melancholic piano theme hits. Gwyn lunges, and I pull the ultimate baller move: an immediate parry. My soul sings. The fight is a deadly dance—missed parries, burning Estus, and trading blows with a foe who still hits like a truck. Then, one last perfect parry, a killing riposte, and I lean in close to whisper: “Git Gud, scrub.”

Choosing My Ending

I turn from the flame. No Age of Fire, no linking the cycle. Just me, walking away as the credits roll. I exhale, lean back, and think, what a game.

Final Thoughts

There are few games I’ve played more—or loved more—than Dark Souls. Even with its quirks and rough edges, its blend of challenge, freedom, and atmosphere is unmatched. It birthed an entire genre, inspired countless imitators, and still stands tall today. If you’ve never tried it, you owe it to yourself to take the plunge.

And that’s a wrap on Dark Souls. Seven hours, twenty-four minutes, and forty-five seconds of rolling, parrying, running away from things bigger than me, and occasionally falling into pits that Miyazaki swears were “fair.” Twenty-eight deaths in total — which, considering the game’s reputation, I’m counting as a moral victory.

Bosses? Every last one I could find. From the glorified lion-scorpion chicken that kicked off the DLC (hi Sanctuary Guardian) to the big hand that dragged me into the past (Manus), to the worst thing Miyazaki has ever put in a video game (Bed of Chaos — I still hate you), and finally to Gwyn himself, who now knows what it feels like to get parried into oblivion.

If Dark Souls was the test, I’d say I passed — not with flying colors, but with enough poise and stamina left to brag about it online.

Final Stats

• Total Playthrough Time: 7h 24m 45s
  
• Total Deaths: 28
  
• Bosses Defeated:
  
  • Crossbreed Priscilla
    
  • Centipede Demon
    
  • Bed of Chaos
    
  • Gwyn, Lord of Cinder
    

Next Up on Race to Git Gud – Lost Kingdoms (GameCube)

But there’s no rest in this race. We’re swapping bonfires for… trading cards? Yep. Next on the list is Lost Kingdoms for the Nintendo GameCube, FromSoftware’s early-2000s experiment where you summon monsters from a deck to smack around enemies in real time. No estus flasks here — just card combos, resource management, and the faint whiff of your childhood Pokémon binder.

It’s shorter, it’s weirder, and I fully expect it to feel like the missing link between King’s Field and the madness that would become Dark Souls. Will it be good? Will it make me wish I was back in Anor Londo? Will I accidentally spend all my cards in the tutorial? Stay tuned.