From Graveyard Clues to Sewer Blues

Welcome back to the Race to Git Gud, where I’ll be trouncing through the dark, depressing worlds of FromSoftware with reckless abandon and firmly below-average ability.

Today, Katia is chasing rumors of her father through the lows of dank sewers and the highs of snowy mountain peaks.

Armed with nothing more than a lead from a knight in the Burial Grounds, she sets her sights on Castle Grayl. Unfortunately, that path runs straight through the Shayl Passage—which is, in fact, exactly as fun as it sounds.

Shayl Passage: The Joyless Sewer Crawl

Shayl Passage is one of the more annoying zones in Lost Kingdoms. The central lane of the level slows you down, random encounters keep yanking you out of exploration, and the “hit X number of objects” mechanic forces backtracking through all that sludge.

It’s not poorly designed, exactly—but between the pacing and the random battles, it’s a chore. I guess that’s appropriate for a literal sewer.

To progress, you have to destroy several tanks that are spawning monsters before you unlock the boss: the Mind Flayer.

And no, not the Stranger Things one.

This Mind Flayer is a weirdly cute little guy who still hits like a truck with glowing magic attacks. Along the way you’ll run into flying jellyfish called Flayer Spawn, which immediately raises some troubling biology questions about where, exactly, they came from. Don’t think about it, just delete them.

You’ll also meet Dragonoids, these cool, absolutely hideous enemies that attack with a fiery whip pillar. It’s a solid enemy lineup for a level that otherwise mostly smells like wet socks and regret.

Mind Flayer Down, Still No Boss Card

Once you’ve smashed the tanks and slogged through enough sludge, it’s time to face the Mind Flayer. He’s dangerous enough to keep you honest but not exactly a brick wall.

Mind Flayer goes down, key acquired… and the level still isn’t over. Instead of the usual “boss dead, level over” vibe, you have to haul that key to the end of the sewer while dealing with a little timing puzzle on the way.

It’s a strange structural choice, but sure. Why not.

In keeping with the tradition of this run, I do not get the Mind Flayer card. At this point I’m batting maybe .400 on boss drops, but morale remains high. Back to the Apothecary we go.

Fantasy DoorDash: Herb Run in Rohbach

Back at the shop, Gurd lets slip that there’s a snowy mountainside nearby where she needs some herbs. Katia, princess of a kingdom and potential savior of the land, is now also doing fantasy DoorDash.

Whatever. Adventure is adventure.

This sends us to Rohbach, a beautiful, frigid change of pace from the sewer grime. It’s genuinely pleasant to traverse the bright, snowy paths after slogging through Shayl Passage.

Of course, nothing is ever simple. The herbs Gurd wants are—mysteriously—growing in trees, and each time you go to collect them, a Yeti (or Sasquatch, depending on your internal canon) drops in to defend the foliage. They:

• Hit hard
  
• Move quickly
  
• Cover a lot of range with their attacks
  

You need three herbs total, which means three big hairy lads to take down.

Along the way, you also come across an Ice Golem frozen in a block of ice. How a giant living ice monster ended up trapped in ice is unclear, but we’re not here for logic.

Ice Golem Wakes Up Choosing Violence

You slam a bunch of magic stones into the frozen Golem, thawing him out.

He thanks you by immediately trying to kill you.

These little side quests, nested inside already optional levels, are a cool touch. They’re easy to miss if you’re rushing, but they add a lot of variety to your potential deck. The Ice Golem fight is straightforward enough, and once he falls, his card drops right there on the ground.

Naturally, the actual boss card of the level still refuses to drop. Once again, I walk away empty-handed on that front—standing there with my princess dick in my hand, as it were—but at least I’ve got a new Golem to throw in the deck.

With the last tree shaken down for herbs and the monsters handled, the level wraps up.

Onward to Castle Grayl

Errand complete, Katia decides it’s finally time to warm up in the warrior-clad halls of Castle Grayl.

We’ve waded through sewers, angered large wildlife, and done side quests that probably don’t technically fall under “royal duties,” but the trail to her father is finally heating up.

Stay tuned for more Lost Kingdoms in the Race to Git Gud, as we step into Castle Grayl and see what waits inside.